6 hours ago
I never felt worthy...
Before my fitness journey, I was in a very dark place. Thinking about it to this day brings tears to my eyes. I completely crumbled. I lost my best friend in a car accident when she was 17 years old. Finding out the news that night broke me to the core. Little did I know that experience would change who I was and how I saw the world. You never think about death growing up and now it scares the crap out of me. The one person I needed in those low moments of my life was my best friend, Lolli and she was gone. I didn’t know how to cope so I took my pain out on food. I ate, and ate, then ate some more. I watched myself fall down this ugly spiral of self hatred. I stopped taking care of my body and started feeling physical pain just as much as the mental pain I was already going through. Those times of my life I was lost. I couldn’t deal with the reality of what happened. I felt so alone and so unworthy. I kept thinking to myself, “Why her? Why someone who was so kind & had such a wonderful life ahead of her? Why couldn’t it be me? Why did I deserve to still be here?” Those thoughts break my heart now. I know that I am worthy. I know that I can have an amazing life and make her proud. That’s been my goal. I want to live my life to the fullest, because she never got the chance. Please live the life you want. Do what makes you happy. You never know what can happen or how long you have. Making the decision to change my life and become healthier has given me so much damn joy. I cannot even begin to explain where my mental and physical health is now. I’m so grateful for life. I see so much beauty. I never would’ve imagined I could feel this happy again. There will always be an ache, but I’ve found my thing. The thing that makes me feel alive and I’ll never stop giving it my all every single day. ❤️❤️ Cre @brianakfitness