15 days ago
ᴡᴏʀʀʏ- ᴏɴᴇ ᴏғ ᴍʏ ᴡᴇᴀᴋᴇsᴛ ᴀʀᴇᴀs.
I have to tell you that with my husband’s deployment coming to an end here soon, all I do is think about what will happen next for us. We will have had a year of taking a mental & physical break, & oh boy was it sure needed. Without allowing myself to overthink the future, I instantly am so excited to start ‘round 2’ of baby making. But, if I allow my mind to wander the thought of it for too long, it somehow takes me back to the single pink lines, the doctor visitis, the bloodwork, the hormones, the temping, the tracking, the heartache.. and before I know it- our past is haunting me. I become fearful of infertility swallowing us back up in its vicious cycle- worrying that there is another cloud of darkness looming ahead.
I want so badly to just let go, and fully believe the words that I speak; God is faithful, He will not forsake me, He has a plan. Yet, here I sit.. already trying to control the days that are waiting for me- thinking that if my hand is on the situation, that I can somehow guide it to where I want it to go. Silly right? So WHYYYYY. Why do we do this to ourselves? I find that as humans, there is truly no easy way for us to relinquish our control & the only way to see progress with this is continuing to pray and ask God to help us in this area of our life. Admitting to Him that we fall short in our trust when clinging on so tightly, & desperately asking Him to give us the courage to release our grip, laying all burdens & worry at His feet. He’s got this, remember?❤️ at Glendale, Arizona