17 hours ago
!!! Trigger warning!! First of all, * this post mentions different aspects of mental health issues. *
Second of all, this might be (another) Nathan Gray appreciation post. You'll find out why in a bit.
Third, this will be lengthy, and I am not sorry! Thanks for your time though.
Mental health issues and trauma have a way of acting funny.
I used to handle my trauma, my mental health issues really bad. And when I say bad, I mean really really bad. And when I say "deal with", I mean push them away, pretend I'm Allright and that they're just not there. So, long story short, did the hardest thing I ever did in my life. I called my physician, told her this story and went through pretty extensive therapy.
And It did wonders! I learned a crap load about me, why was I still hurting, my anger, my sadness. Learned a lot and I went on with my life, learning even more about myself. Until today. I was doing some stuff in my garden whilst listening to the live albums(they're both from the same tour. One is recorded in a church, one in a cave. They're both amazing!) from afore mentioned Mr. Nathan Gray. I had the honor to be at one of the gigs, the cave one, and it was amazing. My boyfriend and myself had seen Mr. Gray a couple times in the past year... The song Damascus had already drawn my attention, but in Cologne..at the tour kickoff. This man sang that song. No guitar, no backing, just his voice. That moment still haunts me. It was chilling and amazing. I thought there was nothing better than that. Until I heard his version from "the church album." Which literally, despite listening to it many times before, broke me today. And all that crap i dealt with, just popped up again.
Something Mr. Gray said at the most recent show I went to, still resonates with me. He said something along the lines of "Artists speak to you, when you need them the most." And this has never been more true. Feral hymns came out when I needed it, these albums are there for me now. So @nathangraymusic thank you for resonating with me. Thank you for being vulnerable and for trying to remove the stigma from mental health. And for anyone who is struggling, YOU'RE NOT ALONE AND YOU'RE AWESOME 💪.