5 hours ago
.S̷̯͔̝̘̩̣̫͐̓̚e̴͉̬̫͓̳̩̮̫̅v̵̲̰̻̠͓̙̈̔̎̑̏̈́͌̊͋͘ͅę̴̜̱̤͉̙͎̼̞̌̑̅̏̑n̶͙̣͎͍̼͕͕͓̰̐̀̔̀̊͒ ̶̢̻̻̹̝̍̎͜D̸̢̬̖̙̳̳͖̄̈̃̈e̸̠͖̓̀̓̍̚͝a̶̛̹͚̬̯̩͖͋d̷̞͍̼̪͍̄̊̽̍̒͒l̶̞̜͓̟̗͎̻̬̙̞̓̂̈́̕͝ŷ̷̡̧̳̘̼̤͕̖̌͝ͅ ̷̳̠̮͕̱͓͕̝͗͐̈́̔͆͜ͅS̸̳̱̑i̶̧͔̱̗̣͛̓͗͐̐̀̉n̷͚͙̩̰͚̗̝̠͂̾͠s̷̨̤̠̝̬̞̟͌͒̚͠ ̸̨̼̟̾̒̉̆͜C̴̾̇ͅḩ̵̣̻̱͓̻̝̉̋̿ͅå̵̩̎̀̓́̃l̵̢̛͔̝̭͈̞̖̰̠̊̅͌́̐̀̄̈́̓l̶̛̟̜͓̽̀e̸͙̬͐̅̕n̵̨͓̳̘̭̲̞̹̍̈g̴̺̲̭͍̻͓͎̘̫̬͋͐͒͛̓͘͝͝ę̴͈̹̼̀͐ .
NO matter how much I might deny it to myself and project myself as a jovial and companionable guy, it is undeniable that I have a pretty competitive mindset.
Most of the time when I see people better off than me, it's easy to brush it off with a mental "Sucks, they don't really deserve it". However, this day I gave myself up to envy to the fullest.
I had had a crush on this girl for a while, and though I'm no worse looking than the other guy and my competitiveness makes me stronger than most, I must admit I'm a sucker as an opportunist. I let moments go by all the time.
So there I was, and I see her walking with a guy and looking pretty happy. Now this would be the moment I'd say "Sucks, he doesn't deserve a girl like her" and moved on. But! But this time, I just stood staring and couldn't think the words. The dude was no prince, neither very tough-looking...but he had all the charm and spontaneity that I'd always desired. I couldn't lie to myself at this point.
The moment had passed, the couple had passed, and the only thing that remained in my mind was 'Why?' - the core of envy - Why him? 'How?' - How does he do it? I've worked so hard, and he seems so laid back...and yet!
I could do nothing but look at this personality, as different from mine as the poles are, and yet 'better'. I began to question my own worth.
And then, I moved on.
But nevertheless, burned and reduced by the flames of envy.
#envy #sevendeadlysins #sin #psyche #vice #narrative #confessions #confession