40 minutes ago
R A W & F R A G I L E 💔
As a very few of you have known, I originally created this account to share the awareness around miscarriage awareness and to share my journey to creating a beautiful little family of our own. However I haven’t really talked much about it recently simply due to the emotional journey it has been and I guess not knowing how to deal with it or how it would be judged/assumed publicly.
A short little abstract: Never for a moment from the start did I realise how much overwhelm, heartache, pain and confusion it would involve- physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. I thought it’d be easier- both of us being young, fit and healthy. It’s been six years.... initially four and half years of TTC resulted in three natural pregnancies resulting in early losses. Each one like a dagger to the chest, having a split moment of joy taken cruelly away from us. Further testing outlined that J is a carrier for a reciprocal balanced translocation of chromosome 7 and 11 and so, the IVF journey begun so that we could do PGS (pregenetic screening). We did two stimulation cycles that resulted in an impressive number of mature eggs (14 and 19 to be precise). We ended up with eight five-day blastocysts which were tested resulting in three “normal” embryos. The first transfer was a successful implantation but ended in a missed miscarriage, followed by two failed transfers- one being this week.
So back to the start we go, left once again with the well-known sadness, disappointment, frustration, anger and a giant dip in our savings. But it is the price we are willing to pay to one day hold our own little babe safely in our arms. Until then, we simply keep going and going and don’t look back 🧡
Just a couple of notes; please think before you ask if a woman if she is pregnant or when she will be having kids because chances are she is hurting, knowing what the answers to the questions are and how she longs for them to be opposite.
And another, children, no matter how big or small are the biggest blessings in this lifetime- hold them tight ⭐️
Looking forward to shedding some new light with Dr Lolatgis next month @centreforinfertility @monashivf 🙏🏼