9 minutes ago
Yesterday I was crying my eyes out about my self worth. I was feeling like I didn't deserve the good things I'm experiencing, and also that I shouldn't trust the help that's being offered. I felt like things are too good to be true so therefore I must not really deserve them. Good things are too good for me. So I was sitting there panicking, crying, confused and trying to remember what I'm supposed to do when I feel those kinds of feelings. Then I remembered that all of these good things are in my life because I made room for them! I did the work on myself to attract these positive experiences and situations. The very fact that I have wonderful things in my life now is because I have been making different choices, I have been doing things differently, I have been healing myself and my mindset and I have been putting in the work to CHANGE. And so now my life is changing. I am worthy of these good things because I did the work to attract them to me. It's not like I'm still stuck in the same place I was three years ago and all of a sudden wonderful things dropped into my lap - I wasn't ready for these changes back then so they wouldn't have presented themselves. Only because of the hard work that I have done on myself do I now have different opportunities. When I had this realization it actually made me cry even harder, but it was from gratitude. I thanked myself so deeply for believing in myself and trusting myself and doing this work. I felt so much love and gratitude for the part of me that has kept pushing me through the awful things I've dealt with, has kept me going back to therapy, and has chosen vulnerability over and over instead of shutting down. When I open, my life can open to bigger possibilities. When I close down, my life experience shuts down too. This understanding has strengthened my commitment to healing in all ways, challenging myself, and continuing to learn new ways to live. Every day I face something that scares me, even if it's just something small. My commitment to myself is to always allow the fear, and then choose vulnerability to lead me through it rather than numbness and rejection which only shuts me down and stops the flow of life.