10 hours ago
January 24, 2019 | Day 24 of 354 days of mindfulness.
I’m fiercely independent but every once in a while I end up a damsel in distress. I don’t know what it is. I’ll do everything in my power to be ready and organized but the universe likes to remind me that I still need people to support me in my time of need.
Most of my close friends will attest to my nature. I’m fiercely intense, confident, honest, strong, loving, loyal, and delicate.
I haven’t always been this way, and as I have already mentioned, sometimes my ferocity falls away to reveal a much softer, stoic side. For as much as I embrace the fire within I must also honor the earth, water, and air of my being.
I don’t just like being alone, I relish it. Being alone allows me to sit deep within my body and listen to the whispering of my soul. The only time I sat in extended silence was during my first (and still only) Vipassana retreat in December of 2014. In that silence we were asked to not make eye contact or engage in conversation, to respect the essence of noble silence. We ate vegetarian meals twice a day, were asked to abstain from physical activity beyond gentle stretching or quiet walks in nature. We locked away books, journals, and all digital devices. Men and women were segregated and we engaged in upwards of 10 hours of meditation and lectures every day.
It was incredible.
In this space I tapped into a well of words that gently trickled into my consciousness and slowly formed itself into an intensely poetic verse. That poem is still one of the most powerful things I believe I have ever written and it makes me shiver and quake to this day. It was as though a bolt of lightening struck my consciousness and it has been left quivering in its wake.
I long to reach for the depths of my creativity again and each time I practice being mindful, especially dropping in with meditation, I can feel the torrent of creativity pushing up against the surface like a raging river fighting against a dam.
One day I’ll release this creative force again and have the strength to hone it into all of my artistic endeavors. For now I must continue to care for this growing fierceness inside my soul. at Arlington, Virginia