2 months ago
One of those days when my anxiety kicked in more than I could bear. I wanted to escape to a place that was empty of people and buildings. I wanted to disappear, I wanted to run away from what I feel, and that's why I have nightmares. It was worse to think of staying behind, to grind one day upon another. Nothing to hold me here. None to regret my leaving. It took me a very long time to understand that you can’t escape your skeletons in the closet. It's tremendously hard to escape the feelings of guilt and regret. They will always be there until you take them out from behind those dusty old coats. Your exterior facade of ‘everything is alright’ only works for a little while, and then the cracks begin to show. You can only hide behind yourself for so long.
You can’t keep running. I realized that even if no one ever found me, and even if I lived out the rest of my life always missing, I could never be missing to myself, I could never delete my own history, and I would always know exactly where I was and where I had been and I would never wake up not being who I was and it didn't matter how much or how little I thought I understood the mess I'm in—nobody is missing like that, no one has ever had that luxury and no one ever will. To deny it is to invite madness, and to accept it is to control. #dubai #goldenhour at Jumeirah Beach