2 hours ago
It's kinda weird, the last week or so I have had to deal with a lot of confusing emotions and thoughts. The relief that treatment is over seems to have waned and it's been replaced with some realisation of what I have gone through and some uncertainty for the future.
Don't get me wrong, I am still happy and positive on the whole but things are niggling me.
The feeling of not having a Dr looking over me on the regular actually scares me...I've been identified as being high risk as they believe my cancer was genetic but the gene they do not know. Knowing my mum was being checked yearly and still had a recurrence and became stage 4 plays on my mind a whole lot. I keep thinking it will happen to me too. I'm only 34, I want to graduate from vet school, potentially meet someone and get married in the future...I want to get old.
It takes me time to pull myself back and ground myself because I guess, I need to come to terms with that this could be a reality but also the flip side is I could survive and not have a recurrence at all.
I am vulnerable at the moment. I have aches and pains left from treatment that I am currently battling, but I can also feel some of the support I had through diagnosis and treatment beginning to vanish. The fact is, things are still hard...
I've mentioned to less people how I am currently feeling, perhaps feeling a little like people will judge and think I am 'milking it'. I guess this is my way of airing that I am still struggling with side effects, even if I put on my brave face.
Anyway, I apologise if this comes across as negative. It's just me reflecting and I will be ok. Just once in a while a bad day happens and it is better to recognise it than to ignore.
#breastcancer #breastcancerawareness #cancer #cancerawareness #fuckcancer #triplenegative #TNBC #radiotherapy #chemotherapy