2 hours ago
not in the mood for food/ PTW
if you have seen my story, you’d know i didn’t have the best day. im just not in the mood right now. i felt like i used to. when i was mentally done, id get home in bed, chill on my phone and fall asleep. i had to resist today and fuck was it hard. i didn’t restrict that much. i pushed myself to eat, despite the thoughts, despite having a bad day on here, at school, and at home. •
i feel fat. i feel like i don’t need the weight gain. it’s so hard to have this constant mental battle. on one side, there’s the doctor treating me like i was a 40kg sick girl, and on the other there’s how i look.
i couldn’t be more grateful to everyone that reached out today 😭 i am 100% sincere when i say that if it wasn’t from you guys, after the tell and my bad day, i wouldn’t have eaten. but i felt like i had to for you guys?
oh, about the breathing difficulty. yesterday i remember to ask the social worker at the very end of the session (totally forgot to ask the doctor), but she said it was probably anxiety😅. the doctor also insisted on how i have to improve. im doing FBT right now and she told me there’s this huge list of people waiting, but that she had pushed priority on me because i needed it, but that if i wasn’t improving, well there was a problem. im lucky to have access to the treatment and i know it, but i can’t do well enough for it. maybe i shouldn’t receive the treatment tbh... someone else deserves it. •
didn’t have anything in the day. i don’t even know how i even ate at all. had: the nanaimo mcflurry, a boost, nature valley and fiber 1, crackers and pudding, croissant, a cookie, and watermelon. 1900...